At 37, I thought I could finally date in peace—until my mom crashed dinner with a list of rules… and ended up on a date with my boyfriend. I’d always felt my mom’s presence in my life—too much sometimes. From asking if I was wearing warm socks to spying on my house with binoculars, she controlled every aspect of my life. At 37, I met Theo, and for the first time, I kept him a secret for three whole days… until my mom ruined it. I had planned a dinner with Theo—one where I baked a pie, not from Mom’s sacred recipe book. Theo brought tulips, wine,

and cake. We were having a great time until an unexpected “ACHOO!” came from the closet. Mom, with a headlamp and thermos, had broken into my apartment to “check if everything smelled like lavender.” She then proceeded to interrogate Theo about his job, habits, and past relationships, even giving him a test to wipe the table perfectly. Theo, somehow, passed, but my mom wasn’t done—she handed him a list of “Rules for Dating My Daughter.” After the interrogation,